Moving Mama
Reflections on Body and Soul
Moving Mama
Rise Podcast: Accepting What Is
To accept what is on the outside, we must accept what is on the inside. And to do that, we need a big, bright light. Enjoy.
Download | Duration: 00:29:31
Notice Your Words and What You Listen To
The things you do not have to say make you rich.
Saying the things you do not have to say weakens your talk.
Hearing the things you do not have to hear dulls your hearing;
and the things you know before you hear them –
these are who you are
and this is the reason you are in the world.
~ William Stafford, Crossing Unmarked Snow
The Lost Little Fish
There once was a little fish that swam in the ocean. She felt lost.
She went to her grandmother and asked her, "Grandmother, where is the ocean?"
Grandmother responded, "You are in it."
Confused, the little fish asked, "I don't think so Grandmother. This is just water."
And she swam away continue to look for the ocean.
~paraphrased from a story by Anthony Demello in Song of the Bird
If you are one of those people who is on the search for God, try this story on: you are in it. You are knee-deep immersed in what you are looking for. Take a look around; the bud poking out on the branch; the tea boiling on your stove; the smell of baked apples coming from the kitchen; the warmth of the hug you received from your child this morning. What we consider mundane is sacred.
There is nothing to look for, nothing to go after, nothing to find. There is only receiving what is already around you. This is why our ancient ancestors named the soul or spirit synonymously with the breath or wind. Begin by receiving the sacredness of life with your breath. We wouldn't be here without it, right? Then slowly, with practice and attention, the breath will naturally lead you to the understanding that you are 100% immersed in the sacred. This is not something that the rational aspects of ourselves will tell us. But the heart, the more you listen to it, will tell you to stop the search, the manhunt for the soul. It will tell us simply to receive the holy breath within and around you.
Grandmother fish tells us that we are in the ocean. What a relief. We have nothing to look for.
What Luke Says
I will show you what someone is like who comes to me, hears my words, and acts on them. That one is like a man building a house, who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock; when a flood arose, the river burst against that house but could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not act is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the river burst against it, immediately it fell, and great was the ruin of that house. Luke 6:47-49
Before Jesus began his work in the world, the Gospel of Luke reads that he first went out in the wilderness for forty days and nights. No food, no people, he was battling the devil. He invited the darkness into his life in order to truly know the light. We all have a devil, or darkness, within filled with excuses, don't we? To build a strong foundation within ourselves, we simply must act. In the yoga sutras this is also stressed repeatedly in abiyasa or spiritual discipline. It is in the practice of yoga that we find union with God and each other. We can only think about a deeper relationship with the wild soul for so long. We can ponder it, imagine it, dream about it, but it is in the awkward vulnerable steps toward it that we find liberation.
I say to my students, how badly do you want it? How badly do you want this intimacy with God? Thinking about it is not going to do it. My teacher says, you will not get handstand by thinking about it. So, each day I am on my mat, kicking my heels up like a donkey and feeling like I am getting nowhere and somewhere at the same time.
Today take a step towards your "one wild and precious life" as Mary Oliver, the poet, writes. Do one thing that makes you vulnerable because in that vulnerability you are alive. Paradoxically, you are building a stronger foundation for yourself in that awkwardness. It doesn't feel like it in the moment, but you are.
Like the writer of Luke's gospel says, act. You can do it. The mind makes newness much scarier than it actually is. We need a strong foundation for ourselves, but the world needs it too. Practice building a foundation that no raging river could shake. Meditation, a teacher that tells the truth, join a church, dance, get on your mat, practice silence for a day, fast. The strong foundation that you build creates a home for a massive Love to spill out onto the world. Otherwise we have a leaky foundation and we wonder why we end up feeling so empty.
Embodying Patience
One of my papers was recently published in a student journal! It is a vulnerable thing to have my work out in the world in this way for some reason. To read it, click here. And thank you for reading!
Parenting: Being the Teaching
When I taught on Semester at Sea I was asked a question by a college student as we stood in line for the dinner buffet. He said, "Jenny, I just love your kids. They are so open and kind and so much fun to be around." Then he asked, "If you could tell me one thing to remember later about being good parent, what would it be?" I turned towards him and looked him in the eye and said, "Do your own work. Don't be afraid to look inside of yourself. And even if you are scared, do it anyway."
As parents, we want what is best for our kids; a positive self image, a wonder and desire for life, a solid foundation to stand on as they navigate life's challenges, a kind heart and so much more. But do we foster these qualities in ourselves as parents? Do you ever hear yourself saying, I am too busy to spend time with what lives within me, or I am no longer creative now that I am grown or all of the many ways in which we avoid ourselves. Here it is, plain and simple, we can only lead our children as far as we have gone into our very own interior lives and the power that lives there. We cannot fake that teaching, we live it if we commit to it. It is not about being perfect or raising children that are not human. It is just the opposite, it is about teaching our children to be fully human and fully divine by living it. We become the teaching when we do our own work. And the only way that I have found to look myself in the eye and heart is by the grace of something much, much bigger than me.
My children haven't been wanting to attend church for the past year. I asked them the other day why and my son responded that God is in everything he does. There is no separation for him. I don't tell my children this and if I try, they roll their eyes and say "Mooooommmm." They know that God is in everything because when they wake up in the morning they see their father standing in the front room with his arms outstretched in the practice of Qi Gong. My daughter sees me leave the house every day to be with my teachers and the practice of yoga. They see us light candles in the studio and sit in meditation with others. This is the truth of the matter: we can only teach our children who they truly are by being who we truly are. And this is easier said than done. When we turn inward there are monsters in that forest. This is often why we avoid it and in doing so, teach our children to avoid it. The path that we commit to in that forest does not matter. It is the commitment to it that they see, not necessarily the path.
I am confident that my children will have different ways of staying close to their souls. They may look nothing like mine or my husband's. And they shouldn't. They are different people. But I do know they have been raised with a knowing that there is something bigger than all of us that includes us. It hasn't been shoved down their throats or bullied into them. Thankfully, I never had that experience growing up and neither did my husband. We just simply know now that there is no power greater than the breath of life and we live devoted to it as best we can. We do this because it saved our lives and continues to save us everyday. I can't imagine being devoted to anything else really.
So, if you are wondering what is best for your children, taking care of yourself is. Being honest with who you are today and allowing yourself to receive a little Love from what breathes you everyday. It seems simple, but those of you who face yourself with the help of God know that is isn't necessarily; at least not always. So, today, take a step that brings you closer to you and the life that breathes you. Find a teacher, start a practice that puts you in contact with what is uncomfortable within you, go on retreat, be silent for a day, be vulnerable. All of these things teach your children that it is safe to be who they are by committing to knowing thyself. They learn by living it and you are their guide. So let's do it not only for our children, but because this is our one precious life to lead. What a gift! Let us lead it as consciously as we can.
The Star Leading Us Home: Part 2
Tonight as Lizzie and I were leaving our dharma yoga class, I noticed the star (a.k.a planet Venus) again. I pointed up to Lizzie and said, "Look there is the star! But our house is not under it this time." Lizzie looked up and said, "Yeah, but I know the world is my home."
Wow. If more of us knew that, right? It seems we are all searching for some sense of belonging. How do we identify ourselves in the world, with fleeting descriptions that change with the day or the year? Knowing the world is our home has everything to do with knowing your body is your home. We are in "clay huts" as John O'Donohue would say. We are in these vulnerable human bodies that many of us go to great lengths to escape from. We create distance from that vulnerability, but when we embrace it and belong to the body here on Earth, we remember that we are Earth. We belong because we are Earth. We are born from it and will die to it.
It is hard to believe that we can forget that, but we can. It takes discipline to be in this breathing body. The body keeps it real and sometimes that is just plain painful, or uncomfortable, at the very least. This is why the practice of embodiment takes commitment and discipline. We cannot experience a sense of belonging to the world without these breathing bodies.
Home is this flesh and bone that we are walking around in and breathing into. When we know this, the world is our home, simply because we are in it. We have taken up residence in our bodies that are real and from this concrete, embodied place, we know we belong to something much, much bigger.
The Star Leading Us Home
Lizzie and I sat in the hot tub last night outside my studio looking at the stars. I pointed to the bright, shining one (probably Venus) and said, "That star reminds me of the star that led the wise men to baby Jesus in the desert." And Lizzie said , "I love that star." When I asked her why she loved it, she responded "Our house is right under that star. When I see it I always know that I am home. "
Knowing where home is is so important. We find safety in what feels like home. Consider what you love: your grandmother, a mango, the beaches of Hawaii, Irish music. Whatever is, now consider this, what you love outside of yourself is simply pointing the way back to a Big Love within you. Just like the star showed the wise men where Love lived, what is outside of us points our way back home to where Love lives within us. Sometimes we get confused and forget this. We set up camp around what we love on the outside. We put it up on a pedestal, expect a lot from it and never, ever want it to go away. We forget that what we love, like the star, is simply pointing our way towards home. Love lives within us. It is up to us (as my friend Dan says) to take care of our goodness. The love we have to share expands exponentially when we take care of the home that Lives within us.
I Don't Have to Be Perfect
Our bodies know they belong; it is our minds that make our lives so homeless.
~John O'Donohue
~John O'Donohue
When I receive feedback that is not only positive, I can tend to lose it. It is so humbling to remember who I am; to remember that I am human. I am a human being with limitations and I am not perfect. When I receive feedback that is not only positive, it helps me to grow. It helps me to learn how to listen and to be open to the world. When I receive feedback and lose it, it is because I have been living the illusion that I am perfect. Rationally we know, nobody's perfect, right? But that doesn't mean that I live it. I live by illusions every day and though it sucks when they come crashing down, I kind of love it.
After receiving this feedback today, I jumped up in my head. I started thinking of the ways I could be right, the ways I could discount this feedback (from someone who I deeply respect and am deeply grateful for), and ways in which I could avoid my feelings of fear and shame. Finally, finally, I sat down with a cup of tea in the sun and breathed. It wasn't easy to hang out with such strong feelings; feelings I know have ultimately nothing to do with this feedback. They were old. As I sat, I continued to jump up in my thinking mind that was causing me to feel very lost. Then, all of sudden I heard from within, get your butt up. I literally felt a presence pushing my butt out of my favorite rocking chair seat that I had no desire or intention to leave. There I was, walking down my street with my cup of tea in my hand. I walked all over the neighborhood with tea spilling out of my cup as I bounced along. God wanted me in my feet, it is just that simple. My breathing led me back to my body. And like John O'Donohue, my Irish philosopher friend now on the Other Side says, the body knows it belongs. It knows where home is because it is home for this short time we are here on earth.
When I returned home, I still needed more time to remember that I belong and that I am loved, so I took my worries to the dance floor. As I spun, stomped and glided across the floor, tears slid down my face. Tears of gratitude. Tears of remembering. As I danced I found myself repeating out loud the words "You belong to me." Over and over, until they all jumbled together. That was God reminding me to whom I belong. The belonging comes from my breathing feet. This is where I remember who I am. It is from this place of true identity that I can allow the words that I receive from others whom I trust to help me to grow. I remember that my unfolding, my growing, is what I am here for. It is not about finding the perfect posture and staying in it. Life is moving. Breath is flowing and my body reminds me of that.
God is Not a Drug
This morning, as I was leaving the school after I dropped my children off, I ran into a child in the hallway. She was probably about eight and was wearing a pink sweatshirt that said "Smile." She had an extremely worried look on her face so I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She hesitated at first, but then she said, "I left my homework folder with my friend and she is not here yet. So I don't have my homework to turn in." Panic spread across her eyes. After asking her some details about when her friend was going to show up, she said to me, "I am afraid my teacher is going to tell me I am irresponsible." I immediately started breathing, which I am finding is the best thing to do with fear. The sacred breath of life is the only thing that can truly transform fear. So, I breathed and then I invited her to breathe with me, right there in the hallway. And she did. I saw her face begin to relax just a bit. And then she decided to go in and tell her teacher what happened.
The breath of life does not make things all better right away. The child's homework didn't magically show up at our feet. God is not a drug. But the breath gave this child the courage she needed to go in and talk to her teacher. In its non-judgment, the breath reminds us that we are gifted with life, that is the core of who we are. So today, I invite you when you feel afraid or things just aren't going your way, to breathe first. The breath of life won't fix the situation to our liking, but it will help it to move emotion along in creative and renewing ways. It will also connect us to our bodies and make us present to the moment, which gives us the strong foundation we need to show up in this complex, and wondrous experience we call life.
