10 Minutes on the Nose
This entry was posted on 12/29/2007 9:09 PM and is filed under life.
When I feel empty or still, I fill up my space with one of three things.
1. Making myself busy with either filling up my schedule or reorganizing the entire house.
2. Obsessing about food and if I have eaten too much and if I have, when I will go on my next 30 mile jog to make myself feel better?
3. Not allowing others to be who they are, by my either judging them, or subtly manipulating them to do what I want them to do.
Oh boy, the nakedness of being human. Sometimes, my neuroses get the best of me. And over the holidays, they have. The beauty of this, this time around is, 1. I have an awareness that this craziness creeps in when I am empty or still. 2. If I don't immediately up the time with God, I do one of the above three things. And 3. a big number 3, is I feel grateful to be alive to experience it all, even if it doesn't feel good.
To up my time with God, I have been sitting in stillness for 10 minutes. I bow at my heart and I sit in my rocking chair. Sometimes, I have to rock a little. Just to ease in to the stillness. Then comes the monkey mind, dancing right into the center of it all. What do I need to do today? What did I do yesterday? Do I need anything at the grocery store? What is Andy doing? Should I unload the dishwasher...right now!? Right this very moment. The stillness can wait. And in between all of that, lies the stillness. I breathe it all in, particularly the empty spaces. And then, after 10 minutes on the nose, I bow and I say out loud, "Thank you God for loving me, just the way I am." And I get up and on with my day.
