I danced with my daughter today. Lizzie is three years old. We walked onto the dance floor and the drums sounded their wild primal beat. I saw her coming towards me with her hands over her ears. I bent down and she said, "Mommy, I am scared." So, I pulled her close to me, keeping her feet on the ground, like a little tree planted firmly in the earth.  I held her tightly and put my feet right next to hers. I could see her little toes next to mine. Welcome, fear, I prayed. I am not afraid of you. And I will not freeze or run in your presence. I will meet you, with the help of God.

So, there we were. Holding the tips of our fingers, feet planted on the ground, and Lizzie was slightly between my legs.  Her hands began to move, her arms started swaying. She was melting, softening to the fear. She still needed my legs pressed up against her. I just knew it. My body listened to hers and soon, I was loosening my grip slowly, bit by bit. Sometimes, I noticed I was holding too tightly, she wanted to move more. She wanted to sway and dip. Other times she held my hand tightly, I thought she would never let go. And then, all of a sudden, without notice, she broke free. And she flew around the dance floor in and out of the empty spaces between people. In that moment, she didn't look back. Every now and then though, she would touch my leg on her way by, or squeeze my hand.

I do this dance with the small, little scared part of myself. Sometimes I protect her too much, when she wants to dance free. Other times, I push her out onto the dance floor to quickly, so she retreats even further. I am learning now, how to mother myself, how to give myself enough resistance to feel safe but not trapped. Rooted, but not frozen. Let us soften to our fears. Soften to our humanness. Let us be melted when we freeze. How do we do this? Our bodies. When we feel tense, where do we feel it. Our bodies. When we feel afraid, we may have a thought that goes with it, but where do we sense fear? In our bodies. Let your body be a resource. When I experience fear in my body, on a grounded day, I get still and let Love into the thirsty parts. On a not-so-grounded day, I eat ice cream. It is a dance. And I am learning the steps; with Lizzie and with myself.

 

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