I think I sat under Mars tonight. I was neck deep in water from my hot tub as I looked up and saw a red dot in the sky and I decided it was Mars. Little white lights poked out of the violet darkness above me, as I breathed the cold air while my body soaked in warmth. As I stargazed, I thought to myself, "I am on planet Earth in an infinite universe." I am spinning around in space as I sit here in my little beautiful life. A life that a lot of times has me comfortable, and sometimes, has me in such a tizzy. The smallest things can turn me upside down. Today, I was literally falling over, every now and then, as I walked. And I was bumping into things a lot; drawers, walls, my children. I actually sat down on a child's head in my daughter's preschool class today. Change unnerves me sometimes.

I am in a huge Universe, little old me. Galaxies and galaxies surround me. For a woman who has always like to be the center of attention, craves fame and dreams of my name in lights, it was phenomenal to actually enjoy being a small little dot, like one of the stars. Jenny Finn, spinning in the Universe, safe and sound.

I read from the Gospel of Matthew this morning. I can't remember where the reading was, but the gist of it was this, Don't be a show off. Do God's work because that is what you are here to do; that is what you were meant to do. To love without seeking to be noticed for it. Boy, that is a tough one some days for this ego maniac. Other days, it's not so hard. Some nights, like this one, it's just little old me, sittin' in the water, spinning in the Universe, feeling as small as can be. And actually liking it.

 

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