I am enough. I do not need to be skinnier. I do not need to have those cool boots I saw yesterday. I do not need to have more friends on Facebook. I do not need to have one more degree or a better hair cut. And I do not have to hold a class that is fully registered to be enough. I am enough. Just as I am. Right now, in this very moment.

I have spent my entire life feeling like I am not enough. Therefore, the lens which I have viewed life through has had a big huge speck of NOT ENOUGH on it. This speck has been a wound I have been tending for years; and often in not so healthy ways. I have tried to sugar it away, drink and drug it away, people please it away, and over achieve it away. I have done so many dances to get people to like me and notice me that my legs are tired. Let me count the masks I have worn.

When I was in high school, I had a stash of Hallmark cards in my desk. And I handed them out regularly to people I felt insecure around. I thought it might make them like me. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I did not feel safe unless everyone liked me. Bottom line is, even then, and even now, I  have forgotten to whom I belong. I belong to life. I belong to creativity and I belong to that which created me. And in the eyes of my Creator, I have always been enough. I never needed the Hallmark card to get that elephant of NOT ENOUGH on my chest to take a hike. That little elephant just needs to cry and needs a little love. When I was twenty-four, I had a tumor growing in my chest, right under where the elephant stood. This elephant was kind of like Dumbo when he was chained up in the circus and kept away from his mother. She just needs to come out of the dark, take the chains off and look into the eyes of God to know she's enough.

I am enough. And so are you. We don't need to stockpile anything outside of ourselves; friends, money, compliments, things. We have so much Love, so much creativity, in our great big hearts. As my teacher said, let that love out through your fingertips, Jenny. We just need to let it build within and spill right out of ourselves. Tonight, the words of a wise woman cracked my heart open. She spoke what my little elephant needed to hear. She spoke words like, enough, sufficiency, safety, gratitude, birth and death. It was like a healing balm on a very sad part of my soul.  Tonight, Lynne Twist, author of The Soul of Money, said that as we are in the midst of a financial and global crisis, old systems outside of us are dying, and we are here to midwife the new way of being in. She said, we are like hospice workers, helping these old systems of our culture die with dignity. And, we are privileged, should we accept the call, to usher a radical new way in. One where we know who we are, from the inside out.

Our culture reflects back to us, our beliefs that we are not enough and that we need more to be safe.  And it does this through consumerism, exploitation of our natural resources, images portrayed of the body, and the list goes on. It is a reflection of how far we have gotten from the truth of who we are. Times like these are an invitation. We are invited to be brave enough to venture within.  My beliefs of not being good enough have led me to be an overachieving woman. I need to rest. I need to cry. I need to look in the mirror and be a hospice worker to what is dying within me. As I witness the dying of my not enough with love, I am beginning to see something in the distance of my heart. I am squinting, it still isn't quite clear, but what I think I am beginning to see in this darkness is:
I am enough.