When I was in my mid-twenties, I taught preschool. I absolutely loved it. That was a time of freedom for me; I lived closed to the soul. I followed the Grateful Dead around on my vacation time and danced. And, I drove, and danced, and drove. I would strike up conversations with people who lived on the street and then take them for coffee at the downtown Subway and listen to their stories. And I would usually be late for work on these days. I picked people up on the side of the road and drove them from one state to another; with very little fear. I would be so engrossed in conversation on these drives, that I would run out of gas on the highway. Once, in the middle of nowhere Louisiana, the car came to a stop as I chatted with my new friend, Karen, from Texas. As the car came to a chugging stop, my dear friend Jeff woke up from his nap in the back seat, opened the car door and ran to the nearest gas station. Well, he didn't actually get there because the nearest gas station was probably twenty-five miles away. So, he ran back. I got out of the car and stuck my thumb out, with Karen. So, there we were, our thumbs out, and within two minutes a car pulled over. Jeff got out of our car and stood next to us. He thought he should let the women lure the driver in, then he would come out. That was the plan. The stranger in the car stuck his head out, and after a few seconds with squinting eyes said, "Is that you Jeff?" Jeff, wide-eyed, said, "Hey Dave!" High school buddies. In the middle of nowhere Louisiana. Needless to say, Dave drove Jeff to get some gas and we were on our way. The good old days.

This was a time of going with the flow. We associate that with our younger years, don't we? We say, "Oh those were the good old days" and smile nostalgically. Are they the good old days, or is it just living fully? And is living fully meant for only those in their twenties? Heck no. It is meant for all of us. Fear holds us back a little bit more as we grow older. We get a little more ingrained in our daily routine; and in our deepening responsibilities. There is a balance, I know. But I think, we grown-ups, tend to lean more towards the linear, the productivity. And less on the side of the relaxing into life.

I spent the weekend in Boulder. I danced with an ensemble from Cleveland, called Oikos, at a church conference. Through movement and music, we interpreted the story of the prodigal son. I spoke about movement and the power of being in your body and turning to your body as a spiritual resource. I was doing what I was meant to do. I could just feel it. I felt alive. I am so grateful God nudged me into doing this. God is always nudging us to be who we are. I both love, and hate, that at the same time. Talk about responsibility. This is the deepest one; being responsible to ourselves. Showing up fully as who we are. No matter what.

i spent the rest of the weekend there as a delegate for our church. Saturday morning, I showed up in the food room grabbing some grapes and a bagel for breakfast. I was already late for the business meeting, so I was hurrying a bit. I noticed out of the corner of my eye a lady, short and stocky, with a silver gray buzz-cut. I smiled and said good morning. She began talking to me about electric waves in the atmosphere that are affecting her brain. As she talked I noticed, she had about four layers of clothing on, she smelled a little musty and that I didn't understand much of what she was talking about. I almost wrote her off. I was late for the meeting after all. But, I prayed instead. I asked God to help me see her as God sees her. About two seconds after that prayer, she asked me, "Who are you?" I said," I am Jenny, I live in Colorado Springs....and.....I honestly don't know how else to answer that question, right now." She smiled, and asked me, "Will you rub my shoulders?" I thought, "What? Rub your shoulders. Who asks that?" She does, my heart said. She is asking you, and what is your answer? I said yes. I set all my bags down and she sat down. I rub her shoulders, her arms, her hands. And I noticed all of the thoughts that came up. "What if I hurt her? Will she sue me? She smells, should I be this close? Should I touch her skin, or just stay on the clothing?" Honestly, I am embarassed to say I had those thoughts. It is rare that I am that intimate with a friend. But, I let God handle all of that confusion for me. I kept praying to go with the flow. Go with the flow, or stay very close to God, in other words. And I did stay very close to God. And the thoughts dissipated, the fear was not running the show. And I breathed...a lot.  She got up and said thank you. We parted ways and I didn't see her again. She said that her name is Susan. And, that she lives in a tiny cinder block apartment. She says her body hurts a lot and it is damp in her apartment. She looked kind of lost and found at the same time. I am grateful that God once again nudged me to do the right thing. To be myself, to be a friend, and to rub Susan's shoulders.