Feet Don't Fail Me Now

A Sufi was asked, what has grace brought into your life?
He responded, When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a man who does not know for sure he will live until evening.
The questioner said, doesn't everyone know this?
Said the Sufi, They certainly do. But not everyone feels it. 
No one has gotten drunk on the word wine.

I asked for help and received grace, not once many times this week. Do you ever have those weeks? Where Life presents you with opportunity after opportunity to choose grace, rather than old, patterned ways of reacting? And not just choosing, but receiving grace and allowing your life, and you, to be transformed because of it?

As I was driving yesterday, a guy drove by me and threw up his hands and yelled right at me, "Bitch!" I have no idea what I did. I was just waiting in a median to turn left. Initially, I just yelled out in my car, "Wow!" Then a rage rose within me, really quickly, out of nowhere. I started to pray, "God help me. Help me to not turn this car around and chase him down and start screaming at him." Thankfully, I made my left turn and continued to drive, with intention and with breath. I felt all of the feelings, rather than spewing them out onto this guy who I don't even know. As the feelings moved through my body, and I could feel them, I started having thoughts flow through like, maybe he is headed to the hospital to be with his wife who is ill, maybe he lost his job five minutes earlier, or maybe he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Compassion started to seep in. When I held onto my feelings, grace moved them and healed them. And opened my heart to this person, rather than closed me off to him.  

I parked in a private lot on Tuesday when I was teaching a class; moving, breathing and creating with those living with cancer. When I came out, drum and pastels in hand, my car was gone. Vanished, right out of the parking lot. Holy shit, I thought, I have been towed. That has NEVER happened to me. I felt fear more than rage. Oh God, it's going to be a lot of money. Andy is going to be pissed at me. How do I get my car back? I phoned the towing company, "Yes ma'am, that will be $220." "Are you kidding me?", I asked. "No, I am not", she responded. Whew, another chance to feel my feelings, and as a result, to experience grace. Feet don't fail me now. Feelings of rage and fear flooded me. And as they did, and as I prayed, and chose the door of Love, I made choices that didn't harm others. I didn't start screaming at the towing company, or the man who had me towed. I didn't defend myself to my husband. I breathed and over and over said, "God help me." And from within I heard, "I love you. I love you. I love you. You are safe." And from there, came perspective and gratitude. I have my health. My family is healthy. I can go to the bathroom on my own. I can walk. I can talk and think and dance. I have a home to return to and a wonderful community. And the list goes on and on and on. 

My serenity, my peace, does not depend on what is happening around me. It completely hinges upon whether or not I return to grace, return to Love, return to God. And when I do ask for help, grace comes rushing toward me. Every. Single. Time.
Posted by Jenny Finn at 11/12/2009 8:36 AM
Categories: God
 

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  • 11/12/2009 11:03 AM neeta wrote:
    THANKS.....TODAY I NEEDED THIS MESSAGE ...AS IF A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T NEED THIS MESSAGE...BUT TODAY I AM STRUGGLING WITH FEARS AND ANXIETIES ...GOD'S GRACE HAS COME TO ME THROUGH A MESSAGE FROM YOU....THANKS....
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