To Fall in Love
Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. Pedro Arrupe, SJ
What do you love that much? What gets you up in the morning? What amazes you? Who do you spend time with? The life we live mirrors what is inside of us. My life is a mirror, reflecting back to me what I know in my heart.
I sat on the bed yesterday, playing the game Stare!, with my children. I noticed my son started talking very harshly to my daughter, "Liiiizzzzie!!! You are knocking the game over. Stop it!" The mirror showed me something I didn't really want to see and begged the question, where did Andrew learn that way of speaking? So, I faced the mirror and asked, "Andrew, did I teach you to talk to Lizzie like that?" He said, "Yes." And I asked, "How?" And he squinched his face up and mimicked me in a loud, dictator-like voice, "Andrew, turn off the TV now and come upstairs. Andrew! Stop bothering Lizzie. Andrew do you homework!" Then his little mouth turned down, like it does when he is about to cry. And he looked at me. I breathed as I saw how my behavior affected my son. And I owned it, which I could never do without the deep love that abides within me. The love that says, it's okay to face this darkness, Jenny. I love you with it. And I said, "Andrew, I will do my best to not speak to you like that again. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with Mommy." He smiled, I breathed and prayed, and we went on playing our game.
I recently was asked by a new friend, "How did you create this life you live?" As we looked out at our huge organic garden, the bee hive that sits next to it, the chicken coop built up next to my dance studio, the flow of our house and all of the stories in the art work on the walls, my children, my husband, my vocation, my community. All of it. "How did you create this life?" I said, "It is a mirror. It reflects the beauty back that I have come to know deep inside."
Each moment is different. Each mirror is different; reflecting back to us the millions of facets of who we are. Some are definitely easier to take, for sure. But they are all important.
Jenny, this is really beautiful and inspiring. I think it takes years of practice to build a life that mirrors the kind of beauty that we are aiming to cultivate inside. I've been thinking about my relationships with other people, and actually have felt very unsatisfied with how disconnected they are. I wonder if our relationships are mirrors of our relationship with ourselves? It's a good bit to ponder...
Thanks for your inspiration!
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