Kiss the World
My daughter had minor surgery this morning on her mouth. She now sleeps in my bed, recovering, holding her little dog Bingo. We spent most of the morning singing, "There was a farmer who had a dog, and BINGO was his name-O", you know how the song goes. Singing does wonders when fear is present. For me, and for her. My voice keeps me in the moment.
Needless to say, I did not sleep very well last night, and we had to get up and out by 6 am. And it was six degrees out this morning. My eyes opened at about 4:50 am. I heard Lizzie breathing, wrapped in a sleeping bag on the floor next to me. And then as my eyes squinted, I could make out my husband's body in the darkness. He was standing at the foot of the bed, arms spread wide, eyes closed. He had his Ipod around his neck, listening to his teacher, Ming Tong.
Qi Gong is a practice using the body and the Chi...life energy available in and around us. Andy has been doing this practice for several years now. His commitment amazes me. Gahndi tells us that staying close to God is like walking the sword's edge, and when he falls of, he weeps. And Rumi tells us that angels shine because of their discipline. And Jesus reminds us that embodying God's love includes our humanity- includes the struggle and the peace. Andy walks the swords edge. He shines because of his discipline. As we sat in the waiting room, waiting for our daughter, I felt a little closer to God because of Andy's practice this morning. As I watched him in the waiting room, his hands held about six inches apart, gathering a Love bigger than us for his daughter, I felt like Lizzie was safer because of his practice. And not so much that the outcome would be just how I wanted it, not that kind of safety. Just that maybe Lizzie could feel a little closer to God because of it, a little less alone in the world. I know I did.
Andy's face was calm. His body was pretty relaxed. He shined because of his discipline. And I was reminded, as I held my daughter's doggie in my hands and cried, that struggle is part of the deal too. The more I love, the more I will suffer. And that does not have to keep me from loving. What kind of life would that be anyway?
So, as my daughter recovers, I set my sights on the sea. I set out on Tuesday, with my family, to "kiss the world" as my teacher in Boulder asked me to do. And I intend on kissing it with pure joy. Joy teaches us gratitude for life- with all that it brings. And a loving, caring God (and a beautiful community) helps me be present for it. All of it.
Yes---l'chaim, Jenny! Your words remind me of the words of Thoreau---on my refrigerator: "There is no remedy for love but to love more."
Reply to this
I LOVE reading your blogs...this one...the one about Lizzie having minor surgery really touched me. I cried as I read it because I felt the pain of a mother worrying about her child but also allowing her husband and father of that child to help heal the hurt that you were feeling at the time. You are an amazing woman, mother and wife. I am so proud of you for who you have become. I wish for you an amazing journey around the world and hope that when you come back to the US, all full of stories and things to tell, that you and I will meet for a LONG talk so I can hear all about it!
I love you and I'm so excited for you and the family as you set out on an amazing adventure.
Reply to this