Showing Up Takes Practice
Do you have a way of being in the world that you are tired of? Maybe it's people pleasing or being aggressive. Maybe it is reacting to behavior outside of yourself or being negative. Maybe it's doing for others what they can do for themselves. Whatever it is, I have never been able to shed an old behavior on my own will. I cannot will the change to happen by saying I am done with this and let it be done; especially those behaviors that I have participated in for a lifetime. Of course willingness to change is the first step, yes. But, it takes committed and devotional practice to step into new ways of being in the world.
Since I was nineteen years old, by the grace of God, have been reflecting on and letting go of old behaviors, . Now, when I feel like having a drink, I don't rely on my own will by talking myself out of it. I pray and ask for help. I haven't taken a drink in almost twenty years. When I want to react to the comment a friend just made that I feel defensive about, I either react on my own will or I stop and ask for help. When I feel afraid to speak my truth because somebody might not like me for it, I get down on my knees and ask for courage.
How do I remember to ask for help from this Great Mystery of Grace? I practice. And I have practiced for many years now. We cannot expect different results in our lives from doing the same thing. Now, I attend a 12-step meeting every Wednesday night to remind myself that people, places and situations are not my higher power. I surround myself with people who love me enough to challenge me. I have had a teacher in my life since I was a teenager. I engage in spiritual practice every day- meditation, scripture study, Sunday service, yoga, dance or a walk around the block. People ask me, well isn't that a lot of work? Why work so hard? To be closer to the Love that created me. What could be any better than that? The light is always with us, but when we stay close, we get to receive it.
Being close to that Love does not mean everything goes my way. It doesn't necessarily mean that things get easier either. It does mean I walk more safely and wholly in the world. When I look around at my beautiful life: a husband who is deeply devoted to the Love within him, children who are creative and willing to cry, a family who is real and brave, friends who I can go out to eat in my pajamas with, spiritual practices that fill me over and over again, fresh vegetables and honey from our own backyard, a vocation that inspires and heals me, and my cup of gratitude and awe overflows.
I am inspired by the infinite creativity of the Divine. It fills me with wonder that an unfolding Love expresses itself in a tree, a purring cat, a 14,000 foot mountain, a human eye, forgiveness, a strawberry, a Mary Oliver poem and the list goes on. I am humbled by the Grace of God. And all of this take practice and devotion, whether we like it or not. We will encounter moments of discomfort on the journey, that is a given. And we will also catch glimpses of a never-ending Love. And if I skip the practice, the Love is still there. Over and over again, in every moment, I am invited to receive it. The practice embodies my choice to receive it.
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