Tired of Taking Away
As a parent, I often find myself taking away things from my children in order to teach them a lesson. They start fighting and the threats start coming. "No screens!" "No treats!" "Early bed time!" Sometimes it gets tiring, for them and for me. I feel scarce when I do it and I often run out of options.
Lately, when they start doing something that I am not a big fan of, I breathe. That is my way of praying, asking the breath of life for an option other than my scarcity. The options that then come to me are much more creative and they actually regenerate the relationship that I have with my children, rather than leave us feeling distant.
We are often getting to school by the skin of our teeth. The bell rings at 7:55 and we are walking in at 7:56. I am tired of being late. And I am tired of riding my kids in the morning to get them out to the car. I usually say, "If you are not in the car by 7:45, you lose screens for the day (if it is not a "screen day" then it is usually sugar that I take away.) The minute the words start coming out of my mouth I am bored with myself. So on Monday, I decided to breathe as the clock was ticking towards 7:40. And a new idea came to me. What if I pick a song each morning that would be a surprise for them and they could look forward to a really good song to start their morning that we could dance to in our seats? So, I proposed this to my kids and headed out the door at 7:43. I really did not think this would work. I didn't think they would care. So, I get in the car and start blaring one of our favorites while dancing in my seat. I was having a good time. Then I see them, running around the back porch to find their shoes and grabbing their backpacks and running to the car. Amazing, it worked, and we all had fun doing it. I have since played a song each morning and we are smiling rather than fighting on our way to school. It has become a guessing game and now I am even taking requests.
I am not saying never say no or never take privileges away. It is not that black and white. But sometimes that just gets boring, even ineffective. The breath, connection to something bigger, gives more us more options as a parent and a person. It opens us to a wider range of possibility. In that possibility we grow, and even dance, in the midst of even our smallest anxiety.
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